Children’s Screen Use Ties Parents in Emotional Knots

The study shows that children’s screen use functions as a daily and ongoing source of stress for many parents. Worry, guilt, shame and frustration are common, and in order to cope with these emotions, parents use different strategies — often without being aware of it.

The study has just been published in the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology and was conducted by researchers from the Danish National Institute of Public Health and the Department of Sports Science and Clinical Biomechanics at the University of Southern Denmark.

The researchers interviewed 17 parents of children aged 10–11 to explore how parents emotionally navigate the dilemma between their children’s digital interests and their own ideas of what constitutes a healthy and meaningful leisure life.

According to PhD student Teresa Victoria Høy from the Danish National Institute of Public Health, many parents experience this tension as deeply stressful.

“Screens play a major role in many families, and many parents would like their children to spend their free time doing things other than just sitting in front of a screen. At the same time, they are uncertain about where the right balance lies between digital and physical activities and about what the right thing to do as a parent actually is,” she says.

Parents try to regulate screen use through rules, time limits and agreements. In practice, however, these are often difficult to maintain.

“The rules lead to exhausting discussions with the children and often gradually fall apart. At the same time, parents are largely left alone with the responsibility, while technology is developing rapidly and regulation lags behind. This creates pressure on parents,” Teresa Victoria Høy explains.

Using coping strategies

The study shows that parents do not only react to concrete everyday conflicts — such as screens interfering with homework, bedtime or family agreements. There are also more persistent concerns about what screens mean for the child’s well-being and development.

To live with these concerns, many parents — often unconsciously — use various emotional coping strategies. One common strategy is to focus on the positive aspects of the child’s screen use, even if they fundamentally see it as a waste of time and would rather their child engage in other activities.

“For example, parents point out that there is some form of knowledge-sharing in YouTube videos where the child passively watches others play, that games like Fortnite contain a social element after all, or that screens give the child a way to unwind after a long school day. This is a way of reinterpreting the situation that can reduce feelings of worry and frustration,” says Teresa Victoria Høy.

Another strategy is to place the responsibility on oneself. Here, parents tell themselves that the problem lies more with them than with the child — and that they are the ones at fault for not seeing the value of Fortnite.

“Some say to themselves, ‘That’s just what it’s like to be a child today,’ or ‘Maybe I’m the one who’s out of step.’ They try to adjust their own values to better fit the digitalised childhood their children are growing up in,” she explains.

Trying to set boundaries

According to Teresa Victoria Høy, these strategies do not mean that parents have given up or do not care. Quite the opposite.

“They have often tried again and again to set boundaries and create structure and balance. But the struggles are draining, and many feel that they ultimately have little influence over their child’s screen use. And when you repeatedly experience that you cannot change the problem itself, stress and coping theory suggests that you instead regulate or dampen your own emotions. This is less taxing than repeatedly engaging in conflicts with your children and fighting something you feel powerless against,” she says.

An important point in the study is that parents may benefit from talking more openly with their children about their feelings, rather than turning worries and frustrations inward. This openness can contribute to a greater sense of authenticity in the parental role, while also laying the foundation for an open and honest dialogue within the family about the balance between digital and analogue activities in everyday life.

“Everyone else is allowed”

In public debate, parents are often criticised for not taking responsibility and for failing to say no to their children. But according to Teresa Victoria Høy, the situation is far more complex.

Even the most determined parent can be undermined by one recurring sentence that appears across many of the families in the study: when the child says, “But everyone else is allowed.” Parents are therefore not only negotiating with their own child, but also with what the child’s classmates are doing and being allowed to do.

“In addition, they are up against a tech industry whose goal is to capture and retain children’s attention. It is an uneven fight. Parents are facing powerful forces that work against their efforts,” she says.

Support is necessary

The researchers point out that if parents are to regain a sense of agency, it requires more than good advice directed at individual families.

It is not only about parents “stepping up,” but about society stepping up alongside them.

“If parents are to have real influence over their children’s screen use, it requires shared norms, clear support from schools, institutions and policymakers, as well as structural regulation that does not leave parents alone with the responsibility. This can create the backing that makes it possible for parents to act collectively instead of feeling that every decision is an isolated battle on the home front,” says Teresa Victoria Høy.

Contact: PhD student Teresa Victoria Høy, Phone: +45 6550 7828, Email: tevh@sdu.dk, Danish National Institute of Public Health, University of Southern Denmark