Psychological Partner Violence Can Continue Long After the Breakup
Psychological violence can persist even after the victim has left their partner and sought help at a crisis center. This is shown in new research from the National Institute of Public Health.
When a relationship marked by psychological violence ends, one might expect the violence to stop as well. But that is far from always the case. Psychological partner violence can continue in new, hidden forms long after the relationship has ended – even when one seeks help at a crisis center.
In her PhD dissertation from the National Institute of Public Health, postdoc Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj has examined citizens’ experiences with psychological violence in relationships, and how organizations and professionals in the field of domestic violence handle and advise people exposed to such violence.
“Psychological violence doesn’t necessarily stop just because the relationship does. It can continue in the form of threats, control, or manipulation – often quietly, without those around being able to see what is going on,” explains Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj.
She calls the phenomenon continuing violence – meaning violence that persists even after the relationship has ended.
Destroys Self-Esteem
Every year, around 112,000 women and 76,000 men experience psychological violence, often in intimate relationships.
According to Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj’s research, psychological violence can be difficult to recognize. It often unfolds quietly and is subtle, undefined, and understated.
“It can be hard to understand what is actually happening and what one is being subjected to, because psychological violence is not just shouting or threats. It is not necessarily dramatic or spectacular, but often expressed in what remains unsaid. The violence may consist of manipulation, humiliation, criticism, correction. The crucial point is not the individual act but the pattern that develops over time, breaking down the victim’s self-esteem and confidence,” says Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj.
Her PhD dissertation is based, among other things, on ethnographic fieldwork at a women’s shelter and a men’s center, observations from a telephone helpline, and interviews with victims and professionals.
Invisible Violence
Many of the people Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj has interviewed say they only understood what they had been exposed to long after the relationship ended.
“Psychological violence shifts the boundaries of what feels normal. It can be mistaken for love or care, especially when control and criticism gradually become part of everyday life. Many only see the pattern once they are out of the relationship,” she says.
She points out that the stories about violence we often hear in the media focus on extreme cases such as stalking, isolation, and physical threats – situations many people cannot relate to. This can lead victims to think that what they are experiencing “isn’t bad enough” to count as violence.
Has Serious Consequences
Psychological violence has serious consequences. Many develop anxiety, depression, PTSD, or sleep problems. In addition, the violence can lead to social isolation, loss of networks, and gradual detachment from the labor market.
Although both men and women can be victims, women are more often affected by long-term and severe physical and psychological harm. Nevertheless, many never seek help, explains Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj:
“They don’t know where to turn. Or they doubt whether they are even entitled to help, since the public debate largely frames ‘real’ partner violence as physical.”
Finding Gaps in the System
But even when victims seek help at a crisis center, the violence can continue. The dissertation shows that perpetrators find new ways – and that the system often fails to see or respond to it.
“Perpetrators find the gaps in the system. Threats can be sent via MobilePay, and control can be maintained by refusing to sign important documents or by not honoring agreements about, for example, child visitation,” says Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj.
These actions can again be difficult to recognize as violence – even for professionals without specific training in domestic violence. Moreover, the violence can continue across sectors and authorities – for instance, when the perpetrator blocks bank cards, takes out loans in the victim’s name, or refuses to sign divorce papers – making it difficult for professionals to get the full picture.
“Social workers at crisis centers do not have authority outside the centers’ walls and often face difficulties collaborating with professionals from other sectors, where knowledge about domestic violence – and how it can take many forms and manifest in creative ways – may be limited.”
Professional Knowledge About Violence Is Crucial
According to Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj, stopping the violence requires that more public employees gain specialized knowledge about domestic violence and learn about its dynamics.
“We have a welfare system that does a lot to help women and men exposed to violence – but there isn’t enough knowledge or resources to identify how perpetrators exploit the system’s loopholes. As a result, the welfare system risks becoming a barrier rather than a supportive actor.”
Contact: Postdoc Ida Nielsen Sølvhøj, email: idns@sdu.dk, phone: +45 6550 7765, National Institute of Public Health, University of Southern Denmark.